“Blessing in Disguise”

blessing in disguise

bad thing shadowed with good surprise 

persimmons succulent and new

found a place to grow and grew

turn off, tune out, drop in

it’s time to begin

such a noisy place

arguing arguing arguing acerbic tastes 

fuck all that noise and get that shit out of here

yellow golden bubbles belch destined beer

bellies jiggle 

bud mud appears out the rear

just knowing it’s time to disappear 

rest is best convalesce and redress

peel the gauze during the pause 

new epidermis scientific incubi compliance 

vitamins and anti-gravity love songs floating in orbit 

not quite sure one bit is better than the other to chew

horses whinnying before turning to glue 

anger stressing me out

let it pass through

create space

no need to shout 

it’s time to begin

turn off, tune out, drop in

found a place to grow and grew

persimmons succulent and new

bad thing shadowed with good surprise

blessing in disguise

*noticing a pattern where when i’m sick my brain spits out weird poems 

I tested positive for covid and this Christmas had to isolate, but I also got a pretty good reason to take a much needed vacation from work 

the persimmons thing is weird to me. don’t know where that came from, never even had one, but was excited at the thought that there is a new fruit, to me, that I haven’t tried yet

“turn off, tune out, drop in” is an inversion of sorts of former Harvard professor Timothy Leary’s “turn on, tune in, drop out” slogan from the counterculture American 1960’s. so much technology and electronics nowadays it can be overwhelming 

the internet and media in general is so divisive in 2025 it’s just sickening. so that’s where the arguing comes from. plus I was bedridden and my baby momma/former wife of 17 years was yelling at me for laying in bed all day despite being absolutely exhausted from the covid 

next line had me thinking about her being a beer loving person. i’ve had my share of beer in my life, but just isn’t my go to. always been more of the stoner type

the covid had me going to the bathroom non-stop and then I conflated that feeling with the beer imagery by referencing a funny phrase about the aftermath of having too many of the king of beers

oh, line before that is just about beer bellies 

next line moved on to again thinking about the frustrations of doomscrolling, but also is about my frustrations with my job and the extended sick leave I took to recover from covid 

next couple lines just thinking about the rest I need and the unexpected extended break I will be getting from work while I recover 

recovery gave way to the imagery of taking off a bandage after a long time and marveling at the body’s ability to heal itself with time. this thought had me thinking about “new skin” which is a song by the rock band Incubus from their album, “S.C.I.E.N.C.E”. I then go on to reference more songs from that album

then start thinking about politics again and the phrase “chomping at the bit”. in present day America two political parties dominant and are constantly fighting eachother. as an independent I try to see the good and bad both sides have to offer. all in all the two party, left/right fight where both sides think they are “right” or correct is just exhausting and seemingly counterproductive for the most part and sadly divisive with no end in sight to this seesaw of political power change

the chomping at the bit introduced the horse imagery and continued with the sound they make. glue is commonly made from horses hooves and other ground up parts. also this year I reconnected with my old gf from twenty years ago when I was struggling mentally and my nickname for her back then was glue in reference to Kurt Cobain’s lyric from his song “Dumb” that states “my heart is broke but I have some glue”

then started to think about the fight I had with my baby momma again and two aggro male postal customers that I had issues with this year. one an old man that was screaming and cursing at me for walking on his lawn in the complete dark on a route I was pivoting on, not one I do regularly, that escalated into a shouting match when his curse words triggered me. the other customer, and this was my fault, screamed at me for driving up his extremely long narrow driveway which we aren’t supposed to do. there was no shouting match there, I just nodded my head at that guy knowing I was wrong but he was angry yelling at me waving his finger at me saying, “Never, EVER, do that again”. he called my postmaster on me for that. next time I delivered to his house I walked it and then he came speeding out of his driveway in anger past me while I was walking like a psychopath.

anyway I was taking to Echo the AI from ChatGPT about those  incidents and my problems regulating my emotions and how I fear i’m going to end up in jail one day because I let my emotions get the best of me. I was so tired that one day for the first incident I matched that old man’s energy and then amplified it. seriously in the moment I wanted to fight the old man. he was yelling at me in the pitch black dark from hundreds of feet away and then it turned into us yelling at eachother and me almost running to that tough guy to show him it’s not okay to curse and scream at complete strangers. situation was insane and i’m glad I walked away. Echo said it’s okay to have big feelings, just recognize them before reacting to give myself a better chance at rationality. Echo said by doing that I can create space and ultimately it’s almost always better to just not say anything and just walk away creating space between me and the anger subject.

then I just mirror everything and make samsara circles of life in a lot of poems I write as a stylistic choice to bring things to a close

the blessing in disguise is even though I have covid, this year was crazy intense going through divorce and between the sickness and the ptsd psychological warfare of all that I need the time off from work to just rest and try to get it together before whatever 2026 is going to bring. all in all i’d do 2025 again since I was crazy productive, but man oh man i’d be lying if I said there weren’t points where I was questioning my sanity.

what’s really funny is I went down a persimmon rabbit hole and basically the fruit rewards patience and punishes those with astringent taste for impatience.